There were a lot of conditions for love and affection and continued membership, And they were serious, and they were ludicrous. It was, "You don't wear a yarmulke you can get out. You intermarry, we sit Shiva for you. You eat non-kosher and our children are not allowed to hang out with you." --Shalom Auslander, interview.
Not all Orthodox communities are so rigid. All of the ones I've seen, however, have some sort of automatic immune response* which pushes out the less religious or the differently religious. Non-Orthodox relatives (including children) are not discussed, and when they visit, are hidden away or coerced into conforming.
* "immune response" shamelessly lifted from this unrelated article in The Atlantic Monthly. (Subscription required.)